Word of the Week - Family, Heritage, Legacy

One generation shall commend your works to another, and shall declare your mighty acts.”  Psalm 145:4

I am preparing to host our 10th Heritage Forum www.heritageforums.com, which begins tomorrow evening at 5pm.  As I pray and prepare, I am reflecting on what I have learned over the last five years since starting the Heritage Forum and how I am growing and maturing as a husband, father, grandfather and leader.   If there is anything I have learned in this journey, it is that as-long-as we are pursuing God and abiding in Him, He will continue to stretch us in the process of growing and maturing.  There are going to be seasons of pruning in life, which are quite painful while we are in them, but if we yield and remain connected, the process of pruning leads to new and exciting growth and blessing.  I have recently been through a season of pruning and am now entering a season of some exciting new growth that I pray will produce much fruit in my family, ministry and life. “He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit He prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.” John 15:3 In the context of family, Heritage and Legacy I wanted to take the opportunity to share a few things I am learning.

Definition and purpose of family: Family is the first institution God created for instilling values for the purpose of preserving culture to impact the world generationally.  As outlined in the verse above, God desires for every person to have a spiritual heritage.  The reality is that God instituted family so we can train and equip our children with godly values so they live to their full God potential and pass godly values on to their children, live multi-generationally. “Train them up in the way he/she should go, And when they are older they will not depart from it” Proverbs 22:6   God imparted into all humans a innate desire to be part of something that will last.  “He has set eternity in the human heart” Ecclesiastes 3:11

Building healthy family communication and identity:  We serve a God of order, peace and continuity.  “For God is not a God of disorder but of peace”. 1 Corinthians 14:33 To understand how to build healthy families we must first become healthier people, especially in our family relationships.   It starts with us as leaders of our families having a personal intimate abiding relationship with Christ so He can impart His wisdom into our hearts and minds.  We do live in a broken world and without God’s covering in our lives our families will be susceptible to the reality of generational curse with the sins of the fathers flowing down to the next generation.  This is the way of the world and our culture at large.  So how do we break this cycle?  First and foremost, we submit ourselves and our families to God and put our faith and trust in Him.  I believe the Lord is the only one who can set us free from these generational curses.  Practically I am learning from my wife Amy and my adult children that we must build an environment within our families that allows our family to be safe enough to communicate wounds and issues.  The things of the past and present that create angst, especially associated with the dysfunction that has been passed down from our families of origin.  Many of these dysfunctions/curses are subconscious blind spots that we can’t even see, which is why we need others to help us.  This includes in-laws and outside advisors like counselors and family coaches who can bring a fresh and less biased perspective.  I am not personally a big fan of traditional therapy where we are going back in time to analyze and try to figure the why of our past, I think there is a place for this but it can lead to being stuck in the past.  On the other hand, I am a big fan of identifying the wounds and curses of our past that are influencing our thinking, behaviors and relationships and working to have our minds renewed in God’s truth, His Word, so we can be healed and transformed.  There are times in our journey of life when we need outside advisors both professional (therapist, counselors, coaches) and non-professional (friends, family, pastors etc.) to help us navigate through this process. 

Family values, vision and purpose:  I believe family identity is key to building a godly family Heritage.  Our families must have a strong understanding of who we are and what makes us the Donner’s or Smiths etc.  Family values define the moral and ethical principles of behavior for a family.  Values can be passed down from one generation to the next and this is the most important Heritage we can give our kids and descendants.  Many of our godly values are apparent from our families of origin, but some need to be discovered and can often times be revealed as we think about our past and some of the defining stories/events in our lives.  Our family went through a values exercise about 7-8 years ago and since then we have taken time each year to set aside time in family meetings to talk about our values and assess how we are living out these values.  Asking questions to determine if we are intentionally sharing and communicating these values with our kids and grandkids. Our families stated values include: Faith, Family/Heritage, Perseverance, Health and Generosity. 

As I have stated in past “Word of the week messages” Vision and purpose are key to Heritage living.  “Without vision the people perish” 29:18 I find it interesting that the prior verse is related to disciplining our children “Discipline your children, and they will give you peace; they will bring you the delights you desire”. Proverbs 29:17   If you cannot see where you are going (Vision) and understand why you are going there (Purpose), it is hard to know what to do.  Lack of Vision and Purpose leads to wandering through life and leaves us lacking identity and much more susceptible to attacks from the enemy of our soul while purposeful living with vision towards something of eternal value is like medicine to our soul that gives us energy, health and protection.  This is the abundant life that Jesus speaks about in John 10:10 when He says, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that you may have life, and have it to the full”.  Live life on offense with Vision, Mission and Purposes and you will have life.  Amy and I went through a family Values and Vision workshop with Bill High and the folks from the Signatry https://thesignatry.com/who-we-are/our-history/ just over a year ago, and it was very powerful.  We refined our family vision and statement to “Lasting goldy Heritage for 10 Generations” with the mission to achieve this by “Abiding in Christ, Loving God, Serving Others and Living Generously”.

Married Adult Children and the next Generation:  One of the main things I have learned through this season of pruning is that we need to be careful in our efforts to share our Vision, Mission and Values that we don’t impose them on our married adult children and their families but use the process to help them develop their own family vision, mission and values.  If we have done a good job of communicating and living out our values, they will be reflected in the values of our children and grandchildren.  A second lesson learned is related to family meetings.   As a family we have reaped many benefits by consistently hosting family meetings over the past decade as my children have entered adulthood.  These are typically intentional times set aside over a weekend to communicate around important topics like family vision, mission, values, heritage, inheritance, estate planning etc. I have realized recently how critical it is to use 3rd party facilitators for these meetings.  Based on family history and dynamics, it is too difficult for a family member to be the primary facilitator and communicator.  It is much more effective to have outside advisors (financial advisors, family coaches, legal advisors etc.) who are familiar and have relationship with the family to facilitate key components of the meetings especially when it comes to more challenging and sensitive topics like money and family values.  If we are truly about godly Heritage and Legacy, we must understand that our role is to help equip the next generations to grow and mature into what God has for their family unit and Heritage.  Our goal and role should be to ensure that they have a meaningful voice and seat at the table so they can be heard. 

God promises us that if we live our lives with God’s values He will bless our descendants up to a thousand generations.  “Know therefore that the Lord God is God; He is the faithful God, keeping His covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love Him and keep His commandments.” Deuteronomy 7:9  What an amazing and powerful promise of God.  I hope this encourages you toward living on purpose with intentionality to plant seeds for Generational Blessing in your family.  The is the opportunity we have as followers of Christ and Kingdom builders.

Have a blessed week,

 -Duane