Word of the week - Family Relationship
How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity. Psalm 133:1
Family Relationships - God created the family as the primary unit for procreation, support and development for all mankind. When you think about it, our family of origin is the likely the most important influence on our lives and who we become. Thus, our family is a big deal! None of us get to choose our family. Since we live in a fallen world, this can make family relationships complicated and not always ideal. The good news is that we have a heavenly Father that loves us and desires the best for each of us and our family. When it comes to our relationship with God, we do have a choice. We can choose to accept Him as our heavenly Father and trust in Him to bring healing and harmony to our family relationships. Or we can try to go it alone and do it our way. Of course, there are all types of families, great ones, more normal ones and terribly broken ones. Whether you come from a great family or a broken family, all families have some degree of dysfunction and need God’s healing hand upon them. This is part of the sanctification process, that despite our issues and dysfunction, we learn to live together in unity and harmony through the power of God working in us and through us. I am convinced that the only way our families can live in peace and harmony is by the power of the Holy Spirit working in each family member. “Bear with each other and forgive one another, if any of you has grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Colossians 3:13
What are the characteristics of a healthy family – There are several characteristics that are generally identified with a healthy and well-functioning family to include:
Caring deeply for each family member – unconditional love
Providing support and encouragement
Providing security and a sense of belonging
Having a deep commitment to one another
Making time together a top priority
Making each person within the family feel important, valued, respected and esteemed;
Looking out for one another
Resolving conflict quickly and promptly
Having fun and enjoying time together
Sharing values and beliefs
Healthy relational order – Divine order fosters diving blessing. I am convinced that order is one of the most important principles of life, especially when it comes to God’s economy and family relationships. Even with the best of intentions it is easy to get things out of order since our family is always in transition. We start life as a child within our family then transition to adulthood and ultimately to building our own families. If we are not clear on our role and responsibilities within these different phases of life, we can easily get things out of order and create dysfunction, disharmony and relational damage.
God first - When it comes to proper order of relationships, as believers I think we would all agree that our relationship with God should be our highest priority. If we are not connected and secure in our relationship with God, it is very difficult to have healthy and harmonistic relationship with others, especially family members. Knowing who we are in Christ allows us to love, forgive and accept others even when they hurt us, which will happen in family relationships. Abiding in Christ daily gives us what we need to bring health and life to our families at every level.
Self - I would suggest that the next most important relationship is our relationship with self. If we don’t have a healthy view or ourselves it is very difficult to love and accept others in their humanity, especially those closest to us in our family. God tells us in His great commandment “Love your neighbor as yourself” Matthew 22:39 This means that if we are to love others unconditionally, we will need to love ourselves that way too!” This is one that is easy to overlook because it is counter to our belief that being a Christ follower means we are selfless. The truth is that to be selfless, we must have a healthy view of ourselves, so we can be less focused on our own needs and insecurities.
Spouse – The husband/wife relationship is the core of the family. Thus, for the family to flourish and realize its full potential, the marriage relationship should be the priority. This can really be challenging at different stages of life when kids are demanding so much attention and it is easy to prioritize the kids above the marriage relationship. Later in life as our parents and relatives age it can also be easy to get things out of order. There are many studies that confirm that in families where the parents have a healthy and prioritized relationship the family flourishes. Make your spouse the top priority. For more insight, see message below on Marriage from a few weeks ago. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” Ephesians 5:31
Children / Grandchildren – Of course as parents it is our responsibility to “Raise up your children in the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.” Proverbs 22:6 There are many things that our kids need at different stages of their development through life, and it is not always easy to discern. See word of week message below from 2018 on Children and attached “Journey of Transition” for more details on parenting through transition from toddler to teen. Our children don’t come with an instruction manual, but we do know that unconditional love trumps everything and they surely need to be loved unconditionally. As far as grandchildren, they are an amazing blessing! We have the opportunity to enjoy them and influence them in a huge way without the day-to-day responsibility. Lord, thank you for the gift of grandchildren. “Children’s children are a crown of the aged, and parents are the pride of their children” Proverbs 17:6
Extended Family – This includes parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins and beyond. If healthy this can be an amazing gift to have the love and support of our extended family. Often, there is brokenness and strained relationships withing extended family. If this is the case, I would like to emphasize the importance of reconciliation and healing. If there is brokenness and lack of relationship whether a parent, sibling or distant cousin, we should pray for our relatives and do whatever we can to restore the relationship while maintaining healthy order and boundaries with our immediate family. “Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen cannot love God whom they have not seen”. 1 John 4:20 We serve a God of healing and restoration, and He desires to heal our family. “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” Ephesians 4:2-3
“And He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children and the hearts of the children to their fathers.” Malachi 4:5-6
Lord, thank you for the gift of family. I pray your Holy Spirit will lead us as we love and lead our families.
-Duane